Get A Move On

I am feeling the urge to jump down our balcony since i haven't been winning in any of my Poker games which is really frustrating me. I do not know if it is about me or is it just about my recent break up with my boyfriend that i could not focus. I am not used to being like this. I used to be the Poker shark you know.

I was at my friend's house last night and we played Texas Holdem with a couple of other people in the neighborhood. I really do not like it when there are other people i do not know in the table. I guess i was traumatized with the things that had happened to me before. I got cheated- just in case you did not read my preview posts. I consider cheating to be foul. Good thing, i got my money back or else there would be a huge fight since i am the type of person who really fight for my right.

Anyway there was not any cheating or stuff like that last night. It was a clean good Poker game. But why do i feel so glum and so unlucky the past few days? Is it because i allow my personal life to mess my game or to get into my game? I do not know if other people can sense it, maybe those Poker bastards and bitches sensed that i am vulnerable so they kept calling me.

If i am happy my Poker games are good as hell. But if i am depressed, gloomy, sad, or whatever adjectives you want to call it my Poker game is as bad as hell. Obviously, my moods, personal shitdoms are indirectly running my game. My moods determine the outcome of the play.

I hate it that my eyes are so transparent. I hate it that i cannot show a Poker face when i am gloomy or angered. Playing Poker is about suppressing your emotions, and deceiving those who are weak. Why do i feel like i am the weakest link now? This is not fair. Maybe i need to get back with him. He used to make me happy. He used to be the reason why i want to win in each of my game. Now that my reason is gone. I have no drive or motivation to win anymore. I am gone.

I know this should not be the case though. Many people are relying on me. My siblings get their tuition from me. What will happen to us if i stop playing Poker? We will die. We will all die. -Just kiddng.

Playing Poker is my way to live. I cannot give up on it or even think about giving up on it. I have to consider the future, and the present. Not the past. The past is history. Shit happens and there is no other way for me but to move ahead with my life and forget. Like everything else, it is hard. But i have to do it.